Well, well, well, it’s time for me to complain about the internet again. It’s been a while. Remember when I used to write more of these?

In the summer of 2024, I went back to Facebook after having deleted my account a few years before. After being off of it for a while, I considered that I was probably missing out on what my friends and family were doing. I figured it might be a good idea to, at a minimum at least, re-establish a line of communication to those I know who are still over there.

Heavy sigh.

After using it again for a few months, I am not surprised to report that it still sucks. I only ever see about 3 people I know using Facebook with any regularity (sorry, mom) and even so, the intended user experience of the platform dictates that it be borderline impossible to see what’s being shared by your friends under the torrent of nonsense that keeps getting shoved into our timelines. We shouldn’t have to use custom browser scripts in order to get Facebook to work more like it used to, and trust me, I have.

Social media has been dying for a long time. This isn’t exactly news. Anyone can tell you that Facebook has long ceased to be a website focused around connecting you with your friends and family. Today, the site is endlessly stuffed with ads, “suggested” posts, bots, AI slop, and misinformation. That last one especially, as it comes both maliciously crafted from bad-faith actors, as well as unintentionally from the generations of less-than-savvy adults finally getting around to adopting the technology that their children or their children’s children grew up on over a decade ago. In 2014, Facebook introduced a separate “Trending Topics” section to the sidebar of the timeline feed, which gave instant access to witness endless morons and bigots discussing popular news, something that was very much uncommon for the site experience at the time. (Ironically, Facebook chose to remove this feature in 2018 after years of having to combat clickbait content aggregators and fake news agitators from abusing it.)

Choosing to double-down on these worst elements, Meta/Facebook recently announced their intention to effectively give up on moderating their platforms, plainly declaring that hate speech against women, minorities, and LGBTQ+ was now acceptable within the terms of service (though let’s be honest, historically Meta has always done an incredibly poor job at enforcing moderation for a long time, both via incompetence and unwillingness.) Instagram was caught purposefully generating fake pictures of people without their consent. Elsewhere, Twitter was purchased by the world’s richest dipshit. Under his influence, Twitter quickly collapsed into a right-wing conspiracy site, itself also now filled with a plague of bots, Nazis, and wanna-be tech bro shills. Our new shadow president is, as with many subjects he pretends to be an expert in, a comically tremendous poser at video games, which is arguably the worst crime anyone can be accused of.

I’ve been fortunate enough to be around at the precise time to explore every form of the internet thus far, and I gotta say, right now it leaves a lot to be desired. The initial advent of social media was genuinely a revolution in how people used the internet. No more needing to learn HTML! No more shady webpage hosting services! No more forums run by tyrants who are way too serious about their Harry Potter erotic fan-fiction!

Theses sites and apps haven’t been for “us” in a long time, but at least they used to pretend. That facade seems to be long gone now. The second generation of the internet is being smothered to death by their own handlers and creators. Much like how I grew out of browsing 4chan once I got out of high school, the currently established social media sites are no longer experiences that I am particularly interested in taking part of anymore. One can only ignore the growing amplification of hatred for so long. It’s time to go home.

I used to be so interested and excited to hear about all of the new things coming out each year, each new advancement in technology. Like, it’s crazy that we all carry a more powerful computer in our pocket than the old family living room computer, right? Being around to see that transition happen was cool. Check out how many songs I’ve got in my pocket now, Steve Jobs! Kiss my butt, idiot.

But now, so much of what’s being pushed on us is just exhausting. Oh look, another new smartphone with built-in spyware and even worse battery life that costs as much as my first car. Oh look, another pointless “Internet of Things” product that’s either inexplicably tied to a subscription service or has criminally poor security and will probably be used to fuel a state-sponsored botnet. Oh look, another for-profit corporation that shouldn’t have our personal information suffered a data breach and now our social security numbers have been stolen and published online for the 20th time. Awesome, thank you. And no, my cats do not need a $600 litter box with a built-in camera that connects to the WiFi so I can receive a notification on my phone every time Stinky takes a shit. It will just break in 6 months anyway.

I’m just so tired of it all, man. Take me back. At least the weirdos running the forums weren’t selling my information for profit. 100 points to Slytherin, you nasty freaks. Now go read a different book.